Perpugilliam 'Perry' de Hamm


Age: 3,847
Height: 6’
Weight: 350lbs
Eye Color: Red, or White
Skin: (Er, she’s made of Metal)
Hair Color: (insert more metal)
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Additional Notes:
Perry is a Warforged, and is composed almost entirely of metal, mechanisms, runes, blackstone, and the infused altarite which gave her life. However: she loves dresses, and wears fine cloaks when she can. She also walks with a handbag of holding, delicately embroidered with what appears to be a ham shank.

Personality Type:

Bonds, Allies, and Organizations:
Always be useful.

Friend to all.

She doesn’t initiate combat, ever, unless she feels like it. She doesn’t do anything unless she feels like it, actually (fuck).

Weapon of Choice: Susan, Bolter, and the Surcoat Cannon
After defeating a camp of raiders outside a nearby kingdom while passing through, Perry saw a massive greataxe taller than her hanging off the end of a tree branch, lodged in the chest of its owner. Scrawled on one of the axe heads was the name ‘Susan.’ She hadn’t realized she’d used it against him in the course of the fray. Removing it, Perry said ‘Neat.’ She’s stored it in her handbag of holding ever since.
2d8 ( + 4 magic damage) Slashing damage. 500 Gold. 34 pounds, top-heavy. One-handed or two handed, multi-strike. Range: 14 ft.
Special Qualities:
Touchgoal (Passive Effect) – Enemies who are not heavily armored have a 1d6 chance of being knocked prone. Outcome must be 6 to activate the effect. DM determined effectiveness on certain enemy types. Only applicable to standard attacks.
Prussian Roulette (Active) – Roll 1d20 to determine a random attack from a small table of attacks.
1-2: Upon swinging the axe, Perry’s arm falls off and hits the enemy for 3 damage, leaving her open to an attack of opportunity from the nearest enemy and unable to attack until she retrieves it.
3-4: Perry manages to make a strike on an enemy for 3d6+1 damage, but she lodges the Axe in their body until something dislodges it, even if the enemy dies.
5-7: Perry makes a fair strike on the opponent, hitting them for 2d8 damage, but suddenly remembers birds. Your bonus action is taken up by the horrifying memories of 1000 years of accumulated bird shit. No other penalties. Just. Bird shit.
8-9: Perry manages to strike the enemy for 2d8+2 damage, but also managed to accidentally hit their funny bone on their weapon arm at the same time. She doesn’t wound the arm—-just bumps that spot that feels awful when you hit it. That enemy has a -2 to hit during their next attack.
10: No one likes average. Use standard damage of 2d8+4.
11-12: Perry does standard damage of 2d8+4 but when she looks down, she for some reason finds a small hard caramel candy. If you give the candy to an ally, it will heal them for 10hp. If you manage to shove it into your enemy’s mouth (1d20 roll next turn for effectiveness) they will choke on it, taking 10 additional damage. If Perry tries to eat it, she will become sad when she realizes she has no mouth, taking 10 sad points.
13-14: Perry feels lucky. Your axe strikes up to three enemies within a 20 foot circle completely on accident for 2d6+1 damage apiece. You think one of them might want to be your friend after witnessing something so cool.
15-17: There can be only one. Perry goes full highlander on one enemy, regardless of how far they are from you and how much movement you have left (unless they are otherwise protected) for 3d8 damage. Somewhere, Sean Connery is waking up from his afternoon nap, reminded in horror of the 1980s. +10 Connery points. Redeem at the nearest inn for one plate of haggis, courtesy of the Secret Society of Yesh.
18-19: Perry’s defense protocols have for some reason been temporarily awakened. Your eyes turn red, and the runes on your arm spring to life. You are healed 10hp instantly, and a massive blast of altarric energy escapes from your hand, hitting your enemy for 15 damage unless they are immune to awesome.
20: Dirty Perry. Roll an additional 1d6 to instantly kill the enemy (not applicable to certain enemies, DM determined) and the outcome must be 3 or 6 to trigger the effect. If you rolled a critical, and rolled this attack, you gain 1d6 inspiration die to save for later. However, if you lost your instant kill roll, the enemy takes 3d10 damage in a way of your choosing.
Can be used three times per day. Recharged on short or long rest.

Bolter: Perry’s crossbow built into her left arm. Uses standard bolts, but can be modified to accept other types of bolts. 1d12 piercing damage on hit. Can fire three shots before an action is needed to reload. +1 to hit.
Surcoat Cannon: Rudimentary experimental force rune cannon. Perry can load any object which will fit into the barrel of her right arm and fire it for 1d4 damage. Ammunition can be retrieved from Perry’s Handbag of Holding random effect.


There once was a Dwarven king who was high as fuck or whatever. He ate hams coated in cocaine or something. Anyway, one day he decided to just build some sick robots to fight as his army, just because he could? His whole royal court was like “dude that’s crazy” but he was like “Shut up you shit idiots, you fucking fools”.

So get this, the first batch is a complete success. All except for one, designated as Perpugilliam, who seemed to have much more free will than all the rest. One day, something happened -I don’t know what, but it was some pretty crazy shit- and the Dwarven kingdom had to close it’s gates forever. As these gates closed, Perpugilliam wandered through them and proceeded to tumble down the grand staircase leading down to the mainland, where she was doomed to spend the rest of her mechanical life.

Perpugilliam was confused and unable to process that she was no longer where she was meant to be. In her confusion, she wandered the world in search of where she belonged. After over 2000 years she had circled the entire world many times and still did not find what she searched for. In that time, she had done many good deeds; she slayed bandits, she put out fires, she saved drowning kittens, one day she even taught a little girl how to read. She had become a legend among mortals over many lifetimes, but not once had she stopped walking, so great was her determination.

Having circumnavigated the globe and treading upon virtually every bit of land on it, the robot felt it had nothing more to do. One day, it finally stopped walking, this went on for 1000 years until a war broke out between two armies and she was rudely awakened by some dick who got his sword wedged in her. She cleaved a man in two and shit, it was pretty tight.

Perpugilliam 'Perry' de Hamm

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